I’m mixing things up this week and once again sharing my letter to you with my lovely, intelligent readers. No, it’s not because I don’t want to share what you wrote to me this week, though you do continue to amaze me with your extensive vocabulary and the number of synonyms for words that aren’t appropriate for publishing here. I’m just trying to keep you on your toes. You know, throw you a curve ball now and again, especially now that you’re reading up on how to assess the body cues of someone who is trying to deceive you. Not that I am worried about that.
Many thanks for the advice in your last letter. I did indeed get down with my bold self and felt all the better for doing it. As always, your words of wisdom are spot on and exactly what I need to hear. You are so intuitive that way. It’s almost like we’re of one mind. Yeah, I know, it’s kinda freaky.
I want to offer up congratulations on your recent win of Best Actor in a movie or mini-series at the US Critics’ Choice TV Awards for Sherlock. Well done, friend. As I said in my first letter to you, your time has come. Forget being on fire – you’re a five-alarm-blaze now. I’m still waiting to hear about the Benedict Cumberbatch Underwear line. (The possibilities for naming the underwear line are so amazing, I can hardly stand it. Perhaps in another post…) When that happens, we’ll both know you’ve made it Big Time. You were practically there with your modeling stint and those swanky silk pyjamas.
Now that you’ve given me warning about stepping up my game, I’ve been searching for some new disguises to wear. I’m in need of some new ones, especially if I am going to make it to London for the premiere of Sherlock. I have some pretty strict criteria for my disguises, the least of which is being able to blend in enough to not be noticed by someone with your keen observation skills and sharp eyes. I have found quite a few that were pretty amazing, but for one reason or another wouldn’t work for me. I’ve decided to help you out and share them here. I wouldn’t want you to be misled and think it was me in case you were to see someone wearing one of these. Just looking out for you, friend.
Here are the ones that didn’t make the cut:
While I applaud the use of readily available things in my closet, these disguises just don’t have that certain concealing ability that I require. Points given for last-minute creativity.
What this one lacks in subtlety it makes up for in two key accessories: the antenna (good for a strong cell phone signal) and the beverage (because wearing disguises can make you thirsty). But, as you probably can tell, it would be rather difficult to blend in with this one.
This one has a Reduce-Reuse-Recycle quality to it, like I could head to a construction site and grab some unused ventilation parts and make it on short notice. But this one didn’t make the cut because it would limit the getaway options. Just try to pedal a bike or run with that thing on. No thanks. I need to be able to slip in and out in a stealthy manner.
This one is a little better as it allows for more freedom of movement. I could see myself being able to scale down (or up, as the case may be) the sides of buildings which certainly has its appeal. So what’s the main drawback? Seems a bit cumbersome to prep. I need a quick change, not hours with a make up artist.
You know why this doesn’t work for me, don’t you? You’re absolutely right – chickens are the most terrifying of creatures to walk the earth. The little devils will peck your head to a nub if given half a chance. I couldn’t possibly disguise myself as one. It would give me nightmares for weeks.
This one has a lot going for it and I would sit still long enough for someone to paint all of those polka dots on me. It has wig (which I love) and accessories that wouldn’t impede a getaway. Unfortunately, unless I wore it to a Lichtenstein exhibit, it would scream “Hey! Look at me!” a little too much, don’t ya think?
I’m all for a disguise that is versatile and useful in many ways. Sadly, the amount of coordination this one would require in order to go to the bathroom scares me a bit and is more than I’m capable of at this time. I’m all for a little danger, but this one takes it to a whole other level.
Yeah, I know. This one’s too obvious. Obviously. Kudos to you for using easy to find props, though.
This one has appeal, especially if I could disapparate like Dobby. But because I’m a little skeptical of the toga’s ability to remain in place in the event that I needed to climb a tree or jump in a lake, this one had to be ruled out.
As you can see, I’ve got discerning tastes when it comes to disguises and will have to keep looking for just the right ones to add to my collection. I’m up to the challenge, though. I can’t very well leave the writing cave without one these days now that you’re getting more savvy with the clues and disguises. I’ve always said you were intelligent. You definitely keep me on my toes, among other things.
But don’t read that as I’m giving up. Or giving in to your wily charms.
As you like to say: the game, my friend, is still ON.
*Editor’s note: The views, ideas, and opinions expressed in the Letters from Benedict series are works of fiction and obviously did not come from the actor himself. This series is just my way of expressing adoration for Mr. Cumberbatch and his work and is not intended to be taken at face value or seen as a true collaborative writing endeavor with him.