You were spot on with the song choice last week. Well done. It rounds out the Writing Cave Theme Song List quite nicely, though don’t take that as any indication that you should stop sending suggestions. Keep ’em coming, friend. One can never have too many theme songs.
One can also never have too many careers. Which is good because I think I found my new calling. No, I’m not giving up on writing, but I do need something that steadily pays the bills while I continue to bend my will to the muse. So, instead of continuing to be a therapist, a profession that is dying a slow, painful death, I have decided to become a Cirque du Soleil Performer/Private Detective. I know, many people say that after seeing one of their shows, but I am the real deal, my friend.
You know how I always go on and on about wishing I was a dancer that twirls on ropes thirty feet above a stage while wearing awesome spandex disguises and solving mysteries? Well, last night as I watched my very first Cirque du Soleil performance, I had an EPIPHANY: Disguises + Fancy Acrobatic Dance Moves = THE MOST PERFECT PRIVATE DETECTIVE.
I’ll have to work up to this sort of thing. Obviously. Image credit ~ By Municipalidad de Talcahuano via Wikimedia Commons
You’re probably asking yourself how does one blend circus performer and private detective into one profession? Certainly you can see how each job complements the other in a seamless symphony of synergistic perfection. Here’s how: as a performer, I could apply my rope twirling and acrobatic moves to become even more stealthy climbing in and out of very tall buildings. I know when we first met, you saw me scale down the side of a building in London. That was mere child’s play compared to what I could do as part of the Cirque du Soleil troop with my own fancy rope.
And the disguises! Oh, the options I would have! Just talking about it has my heart all a-flutter. This is where the detective part comes in to play. Being able to properly disguise myself while sneaking in and out of places to gather information would make me one seriously stealthy detective. I know, it’s freaky how perfect of a career it is for me. I don’t know why I didn’t think of it sooner.
Don’t worry, I won’t try to get in on the consulting detective gig you’ve got going with Sherlock. I’ll leave the speedy deductions to you. I’m merely the spandex-wearing information gatherer. Sure, we could team up, a prospect I seriously considered. But as I’ve said many times, as terrifically fond of you as I am, you’re incredibly distracting. When I’m twirling and climbing up my rope to slip into the bad guy’s secret lair, I really need to be focused and on my best game.
Besides, I’d really hate to step on Martin’s little Hobbit toes. The two of you are so well matched as a Deducing Duo. I think it best if I go it alone for now. But if you’re ever in a sticky situation like, say, you’re trapped on some scaffolding hundreds of feet off the ground or Moriarty comes back to life and wants you to jump off another freakin’ building, feel free to give me a call and I’ll swing by on my rope to rescue you.
And speaking of having each other’s backs, I appreciate you offering to look after things in the kasbah as I head into November and NaNoWriMo. I’d hate for my readers to feel neglected while I’m locked in the writing cave with only my laptop, huge vats of coffee and tea, a mountain of chocolate, and my resident genius. I could certainly use the help. And it would be comforting to know the kasbah would be looked after during this time.
Yet, leaving you unedited in the kasbah for an entire month? I’m already distracted just thinking about the shenanigans you might get into. Hmmm… I’ll give it serious consideration and give you my answer this week.
*Editor’s note: The views, ideas, and opinions expressed in the Letters from Benedict series are works of fiction and obviously did not come from the actor himself. This series is just my way of expressing adoration for Mr. Cumberbatch and his work and is not intended to be seen or read as a true collaborative writing endeavor with him.